I am tired.
I am tired in general.
People.
Jobs.
It is tiring.
I am tiring of the way people act.
I think I have friends, then I turn around and learn that not so much.
A friend that was probably the best friend to me, who I did, said, and 'showed' more to than anyone, now treats me like.. someone he hardly knows. I cannot even carry on the same conversations that used to be daily. I was on the phone with him for half an hour. We said nothing.
Another friend, who I began to feel I was getting closer to, pushed me away by attempting to make me jealous. Obvously it worked, but more than jealousy I feel anger. So I'm not a whore. So I don't want to fuck upon every meeting. Sorry. I don't enjoy sex that much. Obviously sex means more to you than friendship. Go you.
Friends are becoming so sparse for me.
It is tiring.
I have learned that I am very annoying to other people. I am sorry I am. Really, I do not want to be, but I have had so little friends in the past 3 years, moving and losing friends, that I attach myself and become.. annoying talkative to them. I do not know how to stop. I try. But it is obvious that I am. Apologies. No go me.
For some reason I am a single friend. Like Sir Douglass told me, he sees himself as an 'Accessory Friend." I see myself as the opposite. People don't intive me to hang out in groups. This depresses me as well. I do not understand my situation. I have been brewing over it for many days.
I am tired.
Nov 23, 2007
Fear and Anticipation..
On Tuesday this week I have one of the most important interviews that I have ever had. I am so extremely nervous and scared for it.
Currently I am attempting to get my hair fixed, my typing certificate, and a book on medical terminology. But sadly, I have no money. Getting my typing certificate and fixing my hair are the things that i absolutely need to get done. And I have only one weekday to get it done. I do not get paid until this Friday. Understand my predicament?
So now I have to find someone to loan me some money, so that I can do this. I have never asked anyone to loan me money, and I feel terrible doing it. But I have to. This is the most important thing to me. It is my stepping stone into what will hopefully turn out to be a better, and happier life.
Wish me luck. I need it.
**Edit**
Okay, so I have figured out something to resolve the issue, for now. I am going to have to not pay for my Medical Terminology Course, and then put that towards the certification, the hair, and the books. Man, i fucking hate being poor.
Currently I am attempting to get my hair fixed, my typing certificate, and a book on medical terminology. But sadly, I have no money. Getting my typing certificate and fixing my hair are the things that i absolutely need to get done. And I have only one weekday to get it done. I do not get paid until this Friday. Understand my predicament?
So now I have to find someone to loan me some money, so that I can do this. I have never asked anyone to loan me money, and I feel terrible doing it. But I have to. This is the most important thing to me. It is my stepping stone into what will hopefully turn out to be a better, and happier life.
Wish me luck. I need it.
**Edit**
Okay, so I have figured out something to resolve the issue, for now. I am going to have to not pay for my Medical Terminology Course, and then put that towards the certification, the hair, and the books. Man, i fucking hate being poor.
Nov 6, 2007
8.1
Wow, so i submitted my pic to HotorNot.com For awhile it was like a 7 or something. Nothing special. I just now checked it, and i am an 8.1! That's a good boost for me.
**Edit 11/23/07**
Now it is back down to a 7.4 D:
**Edit 11/23/07**
Now it is back down to a 7.4 D:
"...If I am going to help the world, I want to do it with my cookies.."
I just finished watching "Stranger than Fiction." Awesome movie. Made me happy that it was made. Ana was an awesome character, (as well as my loving of Maggie Gyllenhall), who had some of the best quotes and one-liners.
I love watching these kind of movies. It makes me think deep. I like it when i think deep, because it doesn't happen very much, and never on cue. Movies make me so happy.
I love watching these kind of movies. It makes me think deep. I like it when i think deep, because it doesn't happen very much, and never on cue. Movies make me so happy.
Nov 3, 2007
"Where is my Mind/ Where is my mind/ Way out in the water/ See it swimmin'"
I just spent a week hanging out with Sir Douglass Eff. He is a good person. I feel like we get along very well. We always have something to talk about, and we did not start hating each other at the end of the period. I'm sure we both were quite tired of each other, but I felt no malice toward him.
Then I go and hang out with Ammon. Upon driving to the Bluff of Red, his tire lost its treading, making the car lose its direction, and nearly threw us off the road, so we had to change it. On the freeway. Fun stuff. "I had Optimus Prime trying to kill me every 30 seconds.." Said Ammon. Then we went and hung out with some of his friends. Pot heads that I do not know make me very uncomfortable. They are so hard to read. Especially when i am the only one not smoking, you tend to get pointed out a lot.
So I am going to be starting this online course for Medical Terminology on the 14th. That's exciting for me. Hopefuly i can get a job in a hospital after that.. I pretty much am done with everything else, First Aid and CPR Certified, type like 60wpm, Customer Service experience.. Here's me crossing my fingers.
Last night I was very sad. I drank. I texted a lot of people, and for that I am sorry to you all, if you read this. After hanging out with Doug and his family, it kinda depressed me. Years ago, Doug used to be pretty much my best friend, we were kinda on par in courses throughout high school, him usually being of course ahead, and now he has graduated from DeVry, and has an occupation set. Where I have done nothing with the past 3 years, except put about 6 more houses onto my list. I don't want to be where I am in my life anymore.
For the first time in my life, I do not like who I am. I have always been very much, no regrets, live life and always be proud of what you do, but now.. I am not proud of anything anymore.
-Jacob
Then I go and hang out with Ammon. Upon driving to the Bluff of Red, his tire lost its treading, making the car lose its direction, and nearly threw us off the road, so we had to change it. On the freeway. Fun stuff. "I had Optimus Prime trying to kill me every 30 seconds.." Said Ammon. Then we went and hung out with some of his friends. Pot heads that I do not know make me very uncomfortable. They are so hard to read. Especially when i am the only one not smoking, you tend to get pointed out a lot.
So I am going to be starting this online course for Medical Terminology on the 14th. That's exciting for me. Hopefuly i can get a job in a hospital after that.. I pretty much am done with everything else, First Aid and CPR Certified, type like 60wpm, Customer Service experience.. Here's me crossing my fingers.
Last night I was very sad. I drank. I texted a lot of people, and for that I am sorry to you all, if you read this. After hanging out with Doug and his family, it kinda depressed me. Years ago, Doug used to be pretty much my best friend, we were kinda on par in courses throughout high school, him usually being of course ahead, and now he has graduated from DeVry, and has an occupation set. Where I have done nothing with the past 3 years, except put about 6 more houses onto my list. I don't want to be where I am in my life anymore.
For the first time in my life, I do not like who I am. I have always been very much, no regrets, live life and always be proud of what you do, but now.. I am not proud of anything anymore.
-Jacob
Oct 24, 2007
To Chico, or not to Chico..
I am currently conteplating moving to Chico. I have wanted to since i got back from San Diego, but just money and other issues have caused me to think other places.
Job hunting depresses me. So does Apt. hunting.
I really want to be a nurse. They pay is awesome, and they will always need nurses. Not sure how much i would enjoy doing it, at least at first i know i would, but, i may get annoyed with people quickly.
Right now my idea is this. Somehow get enough money to put first month rent and deposit, while also getting past credit check. Transfer from Gamestop to Chico Gamestop, while also getting a job at "Picture People" who always seem to be hiring for photographers that they are willing to hire. Take an Online course through Butte for Medical Terminology and then apply to Enloe Medical for a Unit Secretary. Hopefully get that job, make some better money, go back to school for free, since i get the bog fee waiver, and become a nurse.
Now. If only life were that laid out. In my experience, somethign always goes wrong in the first step. But, obviously this first step is bound to be destroyed, but still. I do not know. I have a lot more friends in Chico. Is a younger town. There are more things for me to do out there.
I need to get a roommate.
Job hunting depresses me. So does Apt. hunting.
I really want to be a nurse. They pay is awesome, and they will always need nurses. Not sure how much i would enjoy doing it, at least at first i know i would, but, i may get annoyed with people quickly.
Right now my idea is this. Somehow get enough money to put first month rent and deposit, while also getting past credit check. Transfer from Gamestop to Chico Gamestop, while also getting a job at "Picture People" who always seem to be hiring for photographers that they are willing to hire. Take an Online course through Butte for Medical Terminology and then apply to Enloe Medical for a Unit Secretary. Hopefully get that job, make some better money, go back to school for free, since i get the bog fee waiver, and become a nurse.
Now. If only life were that laid out. In my experience, somethign always goes wrong in the first step. But, obviously this first step is bound to be destroyed, but still. I do not know. I have a lot more friends in Chico. Is a younger town. There are more things for me to do out there.
I need to get a roommate.
Oct 22, 2007
Cherry-Poppin' Fun!
This, being my first post, will begin the text form of my days passings in the realm of bloggers.
I have created this to be like Doug. Doug is a cool dood. His name is CooolDug. Of course he's cool, cannot be denied.
I do not blog often, but maybe this will inspire me to do more so. I do not know if i want to blog more often. Sometimes my thoughts are my own, and noone can see them.
I am bored. This is also a very good reason as to why I am creating this. Devil's playground! I am being hellish.. ooOooo.. Like a ghost.
Ghosts are not hellish. I do not know why i associated Hell being with Ghosts. I know this one chick, she says, no no, she INSISTS, like vehemetly, she got very worked up when we were randomly talking about ghosts. She says that ghosts are.. fuck i forgot. Something with them being leftover emotions, and how they are doomed on earth because they felt too much of that emotion or something.. pretty much just like what the awesomeness of Japan says, and displays in.. fuck i forgot the movie.. uhm.. brb, looking it up.. Grudge bitches. Yeah. Ghosts = Emotion-overload.
Overload. I overloaded on food once. Once too many actually. This is a cause as to my fatness. Along with being lazy and not working out. I don't eat that much. I don't eat lunch or breakfast, maybe once in a while. I ate eggs with doug. And some PeanutButter bread. The Southerners like grits. But i don't eat much, and i walk a lot. Which is weird. I walk a lot and i don't eat much. But my bum is still massive. I am afraid that if i do stop walking, then my ass will figure in as about 40% of my overall body mass. This will make me unhappy.
Unhappy. Yes, this is a something.
Something. I do not like this topic, because it is too broad, and i have nowhere to go with it. Ranbow Six is a stupid game. Waste of 50 dollars, in my humble opinion. Most games are. I am buying Doug Link's Crossbow Training it comes with a Wii zapper. It is only 20 dollars. He thought it was like 50. No offense, Sir Douglass Eff, but i cannot spend 50 dollars on you in one item. But. You get a free ZAPPER. Courtesy of ME. Want a link to Link's Crossbow Training? here it is for your viewing pleasure. Oh, while reading this article on it, trying to find a good link for you good people, i read that the Controller for the Wii is officially called the "Wiimote." Congrats Doug, one point to you. LINKY http://www.gamestop.com/product.asp?product%5Fid=802783 I have to plug Gamestop. Duh. I work there. I guess it is pretty much you buy the gun, and get a free game. I thought it was get the game, get the gun. That makes sense why only the first shipment will have the Zapper with it. The game is the bonus, not the zapper. Doug, do you still want it? I am not so happy anymore of it. It is not as special if the game is free, that means that the game is going to probably be pretty short. But if you want it, my friend it is yours!
Boredom.
"Fuckin' Aye, that level sucked." Says the brother from the same mother.
This blog is getting long. I like reading long this. HEY. Want to read something long and funny? it is a writing from Doug. I keep talking about Doug. I do not know why. Maybe it is because he will probably be one of the only people to read this. 'Cause i will not be making a public note of this existance. But. Story with Doug. He was a good friend for like 3 years. then we stopped talking. Then we started talking again. So i am happy we are talking again. I HAVE A FRIEND. I don't have many friends out here. Read this. Imagine, that Doug thinks this is someone he knows, who lives near him. It is funnier that way, because it is the truth. http://tallwritings.blogspot.com/2007/08/my-conversation-with-friend-of-mine-you.html
Hmm..
Linkies..
WHAT A QUINKIEDINK! I go to VGcats to find a good comic link for you all, and i come across one with Link in it! Check it out man! If you know Zelda stories, post uhm.. fuck, the first release on GC, i think it was The Ocarina of Time, then you would understand this. This fucking fairy is annoying as shit and does nothing in assistance to you. http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=247
VG Cats is a good webcomic. They make me smile. "VG" stands for "Video Game", they are the "Video Game Cats." They are cool. Like cats. All their comics star their two personas, who are cats, but in place and slightly similar looks to the characters that they are supposed to be portraying in the game. Good site. Become a regular. Plug Numero Dos.
Hmm. I think i will finish this for today. I have other random pointless things to do.
I do not like Masturbating. It makes me feel dirty, and it's not fun. Noone wants to have sex with me because i am fat too. This is my story. (NBC tune plays) "The More you Know~"
I have created this to be like Doug. Doug is a cool dood. His name is CooolDug. Of course he's cool, cannot be denied.
I do not blog often, but maybe this will inspire me to do more so. I do not know if i want to blog more often. Sometimes my thoughts are my own, and noone can see them.
I am bored. This is also a very good reason as to why I am creating this. Devil's playground! I am being hellish.. ooOooo.. Like a ghost.
Ghosts are not hellish. I do not know why i associated Hell being with Ghosts. I know this one chick, she says, no no, she INSISTS, like vehemetly, she got very worked up when we were randomly talking about ghosts. She says that ghosts are.. fuck i forgot. Something with them being leftover emotions, and how they are doomed on earth because they felt too much of that emotion or something.. pretty much just like what the awesomeness of Japan says, and displays in.. fuck i forgot the movie.. uhm.. brb, looking it up.. Grudge bitches. Yeah. Ghosts = Emotion-overload.
Overload. I overloaded on food once. Once too many actually. This is a cause as to my fatness. Along with being lazy and not working out. I don't eat that much. I don't eat lunch or breakfast, maybe once in a while. I ate eggs with doug. And some PeanutButter bread. The Southerners like grits. But i don't eat much, and i walk a lot. Which is weird. I walk a lot and i don't eat much. But my bum is still massive. I am afraid that if i do stop walking, then my ass will figure in as about 40% of my overall body mass. This will make me unhappy.
Unhappy. Yes, this is a something.
Something. I do not like this topic, because it is too broad, and i have nowhere to go with it. Ranbow Six is a stupid game. Waste of 50 dollars, in my humble opinion. Most games are. I am buying Doug Link's Crossbow Training it comes with a Wii zapper. It is only 20 dollars. He thought it was like 50. No offense, Sir Douglass Eff, but i cannot spend 50 dollars on you in one item. But. You get a free ZAPPER. Courtesy of ME. Want a link to Link's Crossbow Training? here it is for your viewing pleasure. Oh, while reading this article on it, trying to find a good link for you good people, i read that the Controller for the Wii is officially called the "Wiimote." Congrats Doug, one point to you. LINKY http://www.gamestop.com/product.asp?product%5Fid=802783 I have to plug Gamestop. Duh. I work there. I guess it is pretty much you buy the gun, and get a free game. I thought it was get the game, get the gun. That makes sense why only the first shipment will have the Zapper with it. The game is the bonus, not the zapper. Doug, do you still want it? I am not so happy anymore of it. It is not as special if the game is free, that means that the game is going to probably be pretty short. But if you want it, my friend it is yours!
Boredom.
"Fuckin' Aye, that level sucked." Says the brother from the same mother.
This blog is getting long. I like reading long this. HEY. Want to read something long and funny? it is a writing from Doug. I keep talking about Doug. I do not know why. Maybe it is because he will probably be one of the only people to read this. 'Cause i will not be making a public note of this existance. But. Story with Doug. He was a good friend for like 3 years. then we stopped talking. Then we started talking again. So i am happy we are talking again. I HAVE A FRIEND. I don't have many friends out here. Read this. Imagine, that Doug thinks this is someone he knows, who lives near him. It is funnier that way, because it is the truth. http://tallwritings.blogspot.com/2007/08/my-conversation-with-friend-of-mine-you.html
Hmm..
Linkies..
WHAT A QUINKIEDINK! I go to VGcats to find a good comic link for you all, and i come across one with Link in it! Check it out man! If you know Zelda stories, post uhm.. fuck, the first release on GC, i think it was The Ocarina of Time, then you would understand this. This fucking fairy is annoying as shit and does nothing in assistance to you. http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=247
VG Cats is a good webcomic. They make me smile. "VG" stands for "Video Game", they are the "Video Game Cats." They are cool. Like cats. All their comics star their two personas, who are cats, but in place and slightly similar looks to the characters that they are supposed to be portraying in the game. Good site. Become a regular. Plug Numero Dos.
Hmm. I think i will finish this for today. I have other random pointless things to do.
I do not like Masturbating. It makes me feel dirty, and it's not fun. Noone wants to have sex with me because i am fat too. This is my story. (NBC tune plays) "The More you Know~"
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